It is with sadness that I must inform the reader of this blog that on the night of January 7th., we lost the child we were carrying.
That day, we had our monthly appointment. After a few red flags during the exam, we were told an ultrasound was needed. The ultrasound revealed our child and a mass of cells. Stephanie was diagnosed with a partial molar pregnancy. Stephanie's condition rapidly declined throughout the rest of the day and by evening, we had lost our child and almost Stephanie too.
At the conclusion of that week, our child would have been twenty weeks along. We never were able to determine the gender. We named her Cori, because we suspected she was a girl and had decided upon the name Coraline if that was the case.
I would like to dedicate the remainder of this blog, to call attention to Cori's impact on her mother and father during her short life. In just nineteen weeks, Cori caused in us: joy, comfort, warmth, excitement, eagerness, shock, sadness, fear, and longing. Steph and I laughed when we discovered she was created, and we wept bitterly when we discovered she had died.
In the first post in this blog, I quoted an ancient Greek Commander/Philosopher. Little did I know, that it would be our child, not us, who would do the things that deserved to be written. I hope that before I die, I can say as much.
She also briefly created a dissonance in the relationship between the Father and myself. When I would go to God, there was something between us that needed to be addressed and resolved. It was two questions: Why did this happen and where had Cori gone?
I found God's answer to my confusion in His Word. In 2nd Samuel, King David's newborn son became sick. David wept, fasted, and pleaded with God to spare his son. Seven days after birth, his son died. David then got up, washed himself, changed his clothes, and worshiped the Lord. A servant asked him how he could change so quickly. David's response was that while the child was alive, the Lord might still save him. So he prayed hard for that. "But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me."
God had revealed to King David that his son was in the same place he would go when he died. Heaven. There lied the answer to my question and brought an underlying comfort to my sadness.
While my daughter was still innocent and small enough to fit inside my hands, everything in this harsh world rejected her. But the God of the universe saw her, loved her, and carried her to a much safer and happier place than I could ever offer. Some day, I will go to her and the God that saved her.
